ECHO 28/2/06


A and L, an Ozzie couple, have moved into the house and it fills with the stench of his grass smoking – it stays in the nostrils, a present sweetness –

A, 30 going on 21, is the son of an archdeacon and he has a large tattoo on his right leg proclaiming ‘Son Of A Preacher Man’ – he is a hip-hop devotee and talks constantly about the new turntables he is about to take delivery of - he smokes constantly, is addicted to the stuff – and with my history I recognize the signs: the poor communication skills, the mood swings, the furtive behaviour, the devotion only to smoking at any given opportunity whether it be first thing in the morning before work or for the entirety of the evening – a day off work is seen as a full day to smoke and get stoned – the need comes before anything else it is the priority around which everything else is balanced – and it affects his relationship with L – with him in a permanent stoned state the way he relates grates against her sparky computer-whizz kid personality, she is stifled by it and that is evident – they rarely go to bed at the same time as A sits up on his own in his smoking den rolling joints and watching late night TV – Christ I remember the pointlessness of it all, the solitary malaise and funk of getting stoned alone, the feelings of separation and stagnation, of becoming distant from oneself, and of the constant fear and paranoia – what is A running from? because that is what it is really about when you smoke that much, subsuming some unresolved anger or despair – tension rises between them as L berates A in front us in the kitchen last evening, he raises his eyes and leaves the room – this only their second night in the house –

snow and a bracing wind this morning – I watch the dead leaves from last fall spiraling, caught in the corner of the garden fence – the naked tree rocks fiercely in its upper branches where Blue and Great Tits and the occasional Robin plunder the fresh buds, tiny green morsels – A enters the kitchen in a white bathrobe his eyes puffy with post-stoned morning lethargy built up in his sleep -

- - - - - -

My father goes back into hospital unable to breathe properly – I spoke to him only a few days ago and he sounded weak, heavy with infection and wheezing – it’s a very troubling situation – my Mother in turn is losing her voice through stress and worry – questions of mortality at the back of my mind throughout the day –