22/7/06

The lights across the lake at night, inviting things, mysterious, far-fetched almost. I wonder why it is that I know I will miss them but not other things here?

Maybe there is something wrong with me; increasingly I find myself drawn to being alone. The only other person I can spend time with is Pol; but even then I still find myself on occasion quiet, enjoying those moments together when the least is necessary - perhaps this is blissful?

Perhaps it is age? Or the environment? Or my surroundings?

I find it easier to relinquish social contact here. To be drawn into stillness and solitude - gaining far more pleasure and sustenance from writing and books than any offer of meeting in a bar or café.

I find myself crying when I turn on the news - the destruction of Lebanon appears to be a crime; the pointless waste of civilian life in the name of the empty war on terror, the new universal excuse for sanctioned harm. I am angry with the state of Israel for becoming a goliath, and for being another US pawn. I am angry too with the radicals who propel the friction. But in all the media, in all the press the blame is laid exclusively at the feet of Hizbollah as being the instigators of this conflict with their kidnapping of Israeli soldiers - but hold on. There was an inexcusable incident on a pleasure beach only weeks ago whereby a Palestinian family where shelled to death by Israeli artillery. Surely this is not an isolated incident in the picture?

It weighs heavily and in the meantime all other aspects of life here seem petty -